Honestly, that has been a void in me, the art of writing. I have enjoyed writing and the therapeutic meditation that it provides for me in the past. Yet somehow, I haven’t used it like a bank shot baller in the NBA. Instead, I have abandoned the one thing that gave me peace before all else in the past. I left writing by the waste side while I opted to organize my thoughts in my head like a magician. I know me, that does not amount to a hill of beans. Writing affords me the freedom to see my thoughts at best and to dream when all else fails.
Since my last post over a year ago, I have become a teacher someone who our kids can look up to. The Lord knows they need guidance. The Lord also knows that I need to be stronger than I have ever been because their eyes are always looking at me, even when I think they aren’t. I bring that up because I am dealing heavily with me from a human perspective. For some reason, I am not my clear-minded self. I am not as driven as I believe I should be and that bothers me. I have a gear or two to give to myself, family, students and faculty and yet I cannot activate my drive like once before. To know that scares me. I want to be ALL that I envision myself to be and yet I am struggling mentally to free myself and simply just be ME.
I am going to look at this as the first step in the right direction in finding the self that maximizes his moments and is driven. I must be driven. These days I have been passive and letting situations determine who I am. Well there, I said it. I have been unassertive on some key issues that affect me at my core. For the sake of time to air those issues out and the fact that it’s 3 A.M. and that I need to be up at 6 A.M. I am going to cut this short. However, when I return I will talk about all matters of the heart and mind as it pertains to me, promise.