Pranks have been played on me. I have been the butt of a occassional joke. I have even made deliberate jokes about myself! But when it comes to my hair and it wooliness all jokes must seize! I looked in a mirror today and literally felt like I was looking at a scene from a suspense thriller when for one second your eyes deceive you and you believe that you see something that isn’t there.Well that mirror didn’t lie, I am struggling to find a happy place on this journey where my transition isn’t so trying, I just want a nice neat haircut to make the pain of looking at a forest of wildly growing hair to stop. The joke is on me or at least that is how it feels.
I was going to move my loc date today before I talked to loctician #4 because I wanted the comfort of time and a vacation to help my transition. However after talking to loctician #4 she requested two inches of hair before she can comfortably start the transition for me. 2 INCHES, what! Does she realize how long that would take or at least how that affects my timeline. I feel like I am giving something up even though I sensed I needed to rethink my date anyway. It’s one thing to know to do something because you want to, it’s another to have to do something because you were told to. I feel like something was taken away and the finish line was just an illusion. I cannot recall a time when I had 2 inches of hair. I am truly moving into unfamiliar territory and further out of my comfort zone,
Well now I am looking at November. [ sighing …November] That’s two additional months tacked on to my would be celebration month of late August/ early September. I am not exactly happy with my ‘fro. In my eyes it looks horrible. I feel self-conscious about it, but only because I am used to a neater, tighter, cleaner look. Managing this look (the insane asylum straight jacket look) is testing my patience/commitment as well as my mental toughness/ spiritual readiness. I am really challenged right now.